Now that I think about it, nothing about this pregnancy has been like what I saw on TV and in the movies. Or read in the blogs, for that matter. Which is why I decided to write about it. Somewhere there’s another hapless woman who wasn’t lucky enough to have a Hollywood pregnancy. I’d like her to know she’s not alone.
But you’re probably wondering how I could know I was pregnant -before- my period was due when a movie lady wouldn’t know until she was throwing up into a trophy after her final performance on a celebrity dance reality TV show (What to Expect When You’re Expecting).
Fellas (assuming there are any reading such a post), you might want to skip this next part:
So, I “knew” I was pregnant one week before my period was due. And then I “knew” again when it didn’t come on time. But I didn’t really “know”, until I waited one whole week -after- my period was due to pee on a stick. It was JJ Abrams-level suspense, I tell you. And that three-minute wait? *phew!*
Now, I didn’t necessarily need to put myself through that wait. Nowadays, these fancy pregnancy tests can be taken up to four days -before- you miss your period. But then it’s only 56% accurate. Who the hell wants to be just 56% sure they’re pregnant? I was already about 60% sure anyway. In my hormone-addled brain, it was best to wait a week (because my period had never been later than that) and then take the test to be 100% sure. It turns out that when you wait that long, your hormone levels are almost high enough for the test to read “DUH”.
The blue “You’re pregnant” line was so dark it was almost black. So now I really “knew” I was pregnant.
Next step? Well, according to the movies, you have to break the news to your baby daddy. That is, assuming you haven’t already blabbed your suspicion to him… and he wasn’t there while you peed on the stick. Oops. No problem, there’s still the all-important First Doctor’s Visit, right?